Emmy Awards 2017 Red Carpet roundup

Emmy Awards 2017: Red Carpet Roundup

I didn’t manage to catch the Emmys this year and, honestly, I rarely ever do. I think part of the reason is that they continuously ignore a lot of shows I think are fantastic. I can rattle off many recent examples: Hannibal, Justified, Black Sails, Community, Orphan Black, Legion, and until this year, The Americans…but the most egregious snub of all-time is probably The Wire!

Well, at least a few of my favorites got a lot of love this year (The Handmaid’s Tale, Stranger Things, Westworld), and even The Americans picked up a few nominations in what was possibly their least exciting season.

In any case, I did manage to check out the red carpet looks after the fact and here are my very inconsequential judgments.

We’ll start with my favorites!

Top 10 Emmy 2017 Looks

Ellie Kemper in Jenny Packham


I love this dress on its own, but it gets a boost with
a dazzling Ellie Kemper. This is a fabulous color on a redhead.

• • • • •

Rashida Jones in J. Mendel


Lovely. There’s a little bit of the zig zag girl illusion going on in the middle.

• • • • •

Emmy Rossum in Zac Posen


Va-va-voom. I like it old school.
Does Emmy even have an Emmy?

• • • • •

Robin Wright in Thierry Mugler


Hair’s a bit mussy, but she is rocking this slinky dress.

• • • • •

Kiernan Shipka in Miu Miu


I mostly like this dress because it reminds me
of a buttercream layer cake with sprinkles.

• • • • •

Evan Rachel Wood in Moschino


I admire her dedication to menswear-inspired looks.
This definitely worked out far better than Reese’s (see below).

• • • • •

Angela Sarafyan in Elizabeth Kennedy


I only know this actress from Westworld. She pulled off chartreuse brilliantly.
Or is it highlighter yellow? I can’t tell. I hope it’s chartreuse.

• • • • •

Thandie Newton in Jason Wu


A little dull in color and style for her, but she looks elegant.

• • • • •

Mary Elizabeth Winstead in Armani Privé


Another classy, old school look.

• • • • •

Issa Rae in Vera Wang


Not terribly exciting, but she looks quite gorgeous all the same.

I Should Hate This, But I Don’t

Yara Shahidi in Prada

Flesh-toned dress? Ew. Strange green bits sewn onto it? Double eww.
But doesn’t she look sweet?

• • • • •

Tracee Ellis Ross in Chanel Haute Couture

I doubt (m)any could pull off this dress, but she certainly has.
I don’t even hate the feathers at the bottom.

• • • • •

Zoë Kravitz in Dior Haute Couture

More damn feathers. She looks like a bird-y piñata. I dig it, still.

• • • • •

Samantha Bee in Rubin Singer

She was just elected mayor of Emerald City.
I do love that the wings of the Emmy statuette behind her
make it look like she’s wearing half of Thor’s helmet.

• • • • •

Alessandra Mastronardi in Chanel Couture

Normally, I’d say this dress looks like a fancy tablecloth.
OK, it still does, and it has too much going on, but I like looking at it.

• • • • •

Vanessa Bayer in Zac Posen

Technically, I do hate this dress. But I think she’s really working it.

• • • • •

I Should Hate This, And I Do

Keri Russell

OMG, I just want to run my Dustbuster over her.

• • • • •

Laura Dern in Proenza Schouler

So many unpleasant textures.

• • • • •

Shailene Woodley in Ralph Lauren

I’d love this deep green velvet dress if it didn’t hang so low
and look so sad and droopy. The hair certainly doesn’t help.

• • • • •

Reese Witherspoon in Stella McCartney

People are saying she forgot her pants, but they are forgetting
that this would look even more ridiculous on her with pants.

• • • • •

Sarah Paulson in Carolina Herrera

Can’t decide whether she’s meant to be beamed up to the mother ship,
or popped into the oven at 425°F. Must be the latter, as it looks like
she’s carrying a stove burner cover.

• • • • •

Gabrielle Union in Zuhair Murad

Is it just me, or does this whole look age her by about twenty years?
And not in a good way?

• • • • •

Priyanka Chopra in Balmain

I don’t think this dress suits her at all, and her makeup looks distinctly zombie-ish.

• • • • •

Jessica Biel in Ralph & Russo

The lovely Jessica Biel makes her usual entry into my hall of shame.
This is actually not as egregiously bad as some of her other looks,
but I don’t have a list for the most-improved.

• • • • •

Ariel Winter

Sometimes, less really is more.

• • • • •

Sarah Hyland in Zac Posen

Please wear something more fun and spunky next time.
Also, your Spanx is showing.

• • • • •

Anna Chlumsky in Sachin and Babi

She’s making a habit of wearing very awkward things on the red carpet.

If Less Is More, Imagine
How Much More More Would Be

Sofía Vergara in Mark Zunino

She would not look out of place in a bridal catalog.

• • • • •

Mandy Moore in Carolina Herrera

Suddenly, I really want a Double Stuf Oreo.

Still in Costume from a Movie Set

Michelle Pfeiffer in Oscar de la Renta

I’m guessing a Tim Burton film, in which she plays an evil old sorceress
with magical powers of eternal youth.

• • • • •

Jane Fonda in Brandon Maxwell

I Dream of Jeannie reboot.

• • • • •

Neve Campbell

Adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald short story.

• • • • •

Nicole Kidman in Calvin Klein by Appointment

Marilyn Monroe biopic.

• • • • •


Alice In Wonderland.

We Get It, You’re Quirky

Claire Foy in Oscar de la Renta

That is a very sparkly pretzel.

I Don’t Know What Is Going On Anymore

Ajiona Alexus in Temraza

I looked at this for five minutes and I’m still confused.

• • • • •

Erin Lim in Raisa & Vanessa

I have no words.

• • • • •

Yvonne Strahovski in Julien Macdonald

It takes a special skill to put such an ill-fitting dress on a body like Yvonne’s.
Wait a minute. Is this dress from Season 1 of Chuck? (No, not quite.)

• • • • •

Lea Michele in Elie Saab

Is that a hole in her dress?

• • • • •

Debra Messing in Romona Keveza

I need to know what material this is.
It seems highly water-resistant.

• • • • •

Lauren Morelli in Christian Siriano

If you stare at this for too long, you’ll be able to see a 3D image of a ship in it.

Everybody Was Really Waiting
for the Stranger Things Kids

Millie Bobby Brown in Calvin Klein by Appointment
Finn Wolfhard
Gaten Matarazzo
Caleb McLaughlin
Noah Schnapp in Balmain
Shannon Purser in Sachin & Babi


Honorable Mentions

Elisabeth Moss in Prabal Gurung

She was one of the night’s big winners, but she’ll have to settle for
an honorable mention here. As a short girl myself, I know that if I wear
a skirt like that, it’s gonna make me look real stumpy.

• • • • •

Tessa Thompson in Rosie Assoulin

This is so weird and strangely alluring.

• • • • •

Gail Simmons

I need a nail polish like this dress.

• • • • •

Carrie Coon in Delpozo

So light and frothy…

• • • • •

Kristin dos Santos

It’s satin and the color of poo. Gotta give the woman some credit.

• • • • •

Julianne Hough in Marchesa

I quite liked this until it occurred to me that it’s basically
a less sophisticated version of Cate Blanchett in Galliano.


[Images via glamour.com, vogue.com]


5 thoughts on “Emmy Awards 2017: Red Carpet Roundup

  1. Your comments are too funny – I agree with you on most of them, I do like Shaliene Woodley’s Velvet number though – maybe it would have looked better on someone with more cleavage though – she definitely should have wore her hair down in a loose messy curl and a grungier eye to balance it out!


    • oh hey it works! 😀
      I don’t know who 90% of these people are but I love your comments!
      I guess Tessa Emma Thompson is already in Bifrost mode.
      the Stranger Things kids are so cute. ruffles hair


  2. I usually don’t read fashion posts, but I am SO GLAD that I read this one. Your comments have given me some seriously sore stomach muscles from all my laughter! I lost it at double-stuffed oreo, that was too much, dear god.


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