Maybelline — Volum’Express The Colossal Chaotic Lash! Waterproof Mascara in Blackest Black Review

I’m going to totally pan a product today, so I’ll start off by raving about Stranger Things, the new Netflix series that I started and finished last week. I am not much of a marathoner when it comes to television series (well, to be honest, not much when it comes to actual marathons, either!); the last thing I marathoned was Luther Series 4 last month, which is a cheat since it was only two episodes. Ha! (I cannot recommend the whole series enough if you like dark and disturbing shows. And Idris Elba. So you get two raves in one post.)

Stranger Things is a hybrid sci-fi/horror period piece that’s a total throwback to a slew of 1980s movies (I counted references and homages to E.T., Stand by Me, Aliens, Carrie, Poltergeist, and The Empire Strikes Back, just off the top of my head). Even its poster looks the part, i.e. like it was illustrated by Drew Struzan (it was actually done by Kyle Lambert) and the title treatment wouldn’t look out of place on a Stephen King book cover. The series also includes 80s stars Winona Ryder and Matthew Modine, to amplify the retro feel.

Netflix's Stranger Things poster art by Kyle Lambert
Netflix’s Stranger Things poster art by Kyle Lambert.
Image: kylelambert.com

Even if you’re not much of a sci-fi or horror buff, Stranger Things is still worth watching since it’s well written and has incredibly impressive young talent. All of the series’ young stars are phenomenally good, and even the teens are pretty solid. Grown-ups Winona Ryder and David Harbour are fantastic. (Matthew Modine, sadly, has a smaller and fairly one-dimensional role.) This is absolutely my favorite Netflix series, so far, and I’m looking forward to the second season!

And now, onto the rant. It’s a Maybelline product, and let’s be honest, there’s something quintessentially 80s about Maybelline, isn’t there? Maybe it’s just me. Heh. Firstly, the product name is ludicrously long: Volum’Express The Colossal Chaotic Lash! Seriously. Just stop.

I bought it solely because it received good reviews on MUA, even from people who have the same kind of lashes I have: short and super-straight lashes that uncurl with regular, water-based mascaras. Well, that unfortunately didn’t work out so well for me. MUA, you have failed me!

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